Life is one of those precious fleeting gifts, and everything can change in a heartbeat.–Author Unknown
Why is it, that when we are waiting, time seems to go against all laws known to man by slowing to the point of appearing as if it has completely stopped?
All day. I have waited all day. The call has not come. Perhaps they are waiting to until it is the end of the shift to deliver bad news. Makes sense. Drop the bomb and run like hell. It’s what I would do.
It must be hard. Delivering such awful news day in and day out. But not as difficult as it is waiting. Nothing can compare. Ever. You know its coming and there is nothing you can do but wait.
I rack my brain wondering what I could have done differently. I retrace the steps I took that led me to this moment. Yes, there are a few things I would have changed, however I doubt it would alter the outcome. Oh god, this is all my fault. What have I done so wrong that I should deserve this – this waiting?
The phone rings. Before I pick it up I already know who it is, and what they are going to say.
“May I speak to J.C. please?”
“Speaking.”
“This is Becky. I have the results.”
“That was quick.”
The silence hangs between us, neither one wanting to say what needs to be said. “The results were positive.”
I sit there breathless. My lungs have refused to work and my head feels like it’s full of cotton.
“Cancer?”
“I'm so sorry. I’ve scheduled an appointment with the oncologist tomorrow, she will.....”
Her words sounded distant and hollow. I'm sure the conversation was longer, but I don't remember much of it now. For some reason I couldn't get past that word: Cancer. The world stopped, and in an instant, everything changed. Time began again, ticking away, each moment lost forever at a maddening pace. Life may be “one of those precious fleeting gifts” but so is the future. It was not until then that I felt it vanishing before my eyes. How do I make it wait? Hopefully it will wait. I prayed that it would wait. Epilogue:
It was in April of 2000 when I received the news that I had Stage III Breast Cancer. The next 10 months were lost in the chaos that is chemo, radiation, and recovery. As of this date, I remain cancer free and no longer wait for my future. It is here, and I get to see it every day when I wake up and realize how lucky I am to be alive.
Inspired by Cafe Writing Option Two: Timed Writing: take seven minutes and write on the subject of fleeting gifts. Also offered in response to Writer's Island prompts Triumph and Survivor.
Works by J.C. Montgomery are licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
7 comments:
i know that had to be the most difficult wait of your life... i felt the urgency,, and then the inability to think at all.... very well done....
I found that life is just better living in the present. Enjoy things that matter most to you.
This is a really eye-opening post. Thanks for sharing something so personal with us. I'm sure that you've learned something from this--then coming out stronger than ever.
this post made my eyes water. i am always left in awe and humbled by the strength we have to overcome certain life and death situations. i am so happy that yours ended happily and i know you are in such a better place right now because of it. thank you for sharing this very personal journey with us.
blessings and love,
rebecca
how heart breaking but you made it through. I like your positive thinking at the end about the future, not everyone can appreciate it until it's gone
oh man i luv your spirit even more... it is truly lovely to see your words/life written on the screen with such a force that leaves one speechless..now i know...how can i describe it...it is as if a spring of running water mysterious appeared and now flows... thank you for sharing
I loved the post. It must have been a very challenging episode in your life. Nicely written and convincingly put as 'the future is now'.
A touching piece, and one with a happy ending... congratulations!
Rob
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